DEAR ABBY: Demands of career have put a damper on dreams

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 30s and happy in certain aspects of my life: I recently moved to a house and married a man I love very much. I have friends, hobbies and dreams. One of these dreams is to be a novelist, although I do marketing for a tech company right now.  

This brings me to my problem: I have been feeling depressed by my job. Working in tech marketing is not something I enjoy; it’s something I have done in recent years to pay the bills. My job is high-stress and fast-moving, and people can be impatient.  

Typically, I keep any work-induced depression at bay by running, writing and spending time with loved ones. But lately, these things haven’t lessened the negative feelings I have from work as much. In fact, I have begun feeling less joy in the things I typically do with my free time.  

I feel like a failure for trying to write a novel in the midst of so much work. I am afraid if I quit my job, I won’t be able to make mortgage payments and will burden my husband with an unfair amount of stress. He is also unhappy at his tech job but doing it to help support us.  

Getting a new job won’t fix this, because I’ve felt down at other tech marketing jobs that pay me enough to afford our house and save up for having a child (another dream). How can I get out from under this rain cloud? Do I want too much out of life? — STYMIED IN CALIFORNIA 

DEAR STYMIED: A solution that might work for you would be a part-time job in tech that would help you to pay the mortgage, while affording you free time to pursue your writing. Give yourself a one-year deadline, see if there is any interest in what you have produced and proceed from there. I wish you luck. 

DEAR ABBY: Should I change my financial arrangement with my husband? We have been married 18 years and have a joint chequing account. He has a separate account for his side business that’s just for him. I have a separate account I use for my job to renew licences and finance my continuing education. During the last few years, he has insisted I pay my own medical bills (which had always come out of our joint account before).  

I have a history of thyroid cancer, and my family has a history of more serious cancers. He tells me I go to the doctor too often. I typically go for an annual physical, annual thyroid exam and to the gynecologist. We have medical insurance.  

I’m starting to wonder if I should just ask for my paycheque to be deposited into my own account and then transfer money over to the joint account to cover our household bills, which he also pays. I don’t want to start a fight about it as he and I are quite traditional in most ways. Help! I feel like I have no money even though we both work full time. — DIVIDING IT UP IN INDIANA 

DEAR DIVIDING: You have a valid point. It’s time for you and your husband to sit down with a FINANCIAL ADVISER and work something out that is fair to both of you. Your CPA may be able to help you or recommend someone. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.