SNOBELEN: Trump and America had no choice but to take over the country

You really can’t blame the Americans. Heck, they had no choice but to take over that country.

It’s not like they hadn’t made it clear they couldn’t tolerate the trickling of drugs over the border. Having invented the term narco-terrorist, they might as well use it.

While some might doubt the dubious drug thing, there was no question that the offending country was unable to defend itself. A weak, socialist country in an important strategic area was obviously a risk to the security of the United States.

The country needed governing. The leftist governments that had ruled for almost two decades never enjoyed the support of a majority of voters. The far-left minority propped up successive governments. There were credible rumours of foreign government interference in elections. It was time to bring the country under American control and restore some right-thinking.

If Congress were a little squeamish about taking over a sovereign nation, the economics of the deal were undeniable. The country has vast reserves of a commodity America needs. Securing that resource was the end that justified any means.

And so, America took over Canada.

New governor general ‘genius’ idea

It didn’t invade or even bother with a messy regime change. It just took over.

By executive order, the United States took control of Canada’s banking, securities and exports. It left Mark Carney in place as a puppet head of state. Carney, relieved of the time-consuming irritation of decision-making, was also installed as the president of Harvard University.

The greatest stroke of genius was declaring that new Governor General Ivanka Trump would be the King’s representative for all the Americas. It’s rumoured that the first big bash at the soon-to-be-completed Trump White House ballroom will honour the King and Governor General Trump.

Economically, the takeover was a huge success. The Americans discovered vast tracks of unoccupied Crown land that were immediately auctioned off to the highest bidder. With First Nations’ rights extinguished and environmental barriers removed, investors were eager to extract lumber, minerals, and oil.  The windfall from the land auction allowed Congress to brag about reducing the deficit.

The drugs that someone said were pouring over the border stopped immediately, allowing president Trump to proudly announce that the narco-terrorists had been defeated.

Some welcome losing the burden

It was all glorious, and the Canadians, or at least some of them, seemed to welcome losing the burden of running the country. Noted Canadian businessman Kevin O’Leary was quick to praise Trump for his strong leadership. Trump, he noted, deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for taking over so many countries peacefully.

The cherry on top of the takeover was the sudden, southern flow of a particularly desirable and desperately needed commodity. Clever American scientists discovered that Canada had almost inexhaustible reserves of fresh water. Flowing that cold Canadian water to parched farmland (and golf courses) virtually guaranteed Trump the support he needed for a few small constitutional amendments and a third term.

This is, of course, fake news. Heck, would O’Leary praise Donald Trump?

But still, the shifting rationale justifying the invasion of Venezuela, the steadily increasing threats to take over Greenland and the generally cavalier disregard for the rule of law make America a real and present danger to the sovereignty of nations that get in its way. It might be wise to consider Canada’s ability to resist Trump’s expansionist ways.

After all, Ivanka would make a swell governor general and our Canadian water is mighty tempting.