Dear Santa: A Christmas wish list for Edmonton Oilers GM Stan Bowman

Stan Bowman is a busy guy these days.

So, in the true spirit of giving, why don’t we take a task off his proverbial plate and help the Edmonton Oilers general manager come up with a Christmas wish list?

With the big day but a week away, Bowman has already pulled the trigger on a mid-season trade the other day. But let’s take a moment to put ourselves in his shoes and sit down in the big chair at Rogers Place to come up with some other ideas Bowman could unwrap on his roster for the new year. After all, he did just get himself a new goalie …

DEAR SANTA:

It’s me, Stan. I have been a very good boy this year, and I would really like to ask you for:

1. A better %^&$ goalie

Sure, a change was needed. And Tristan Jarry is a change. But does anyone actually feel he will be that much better than Stuart Skinner? Numbers-wise, sure, maybe Jarry has a bit of an edge. But he doesn’t have nearly the playoff experience of his predecessor. I mean, two wins in eight career postseason games across three seasons doesn’t exactly inspire confidence that the third time will be a charm — that’s assuming Jarry has the juice to even get the Oilers back to a third straight Stanley Cup Final.

Yes, the fans have been screaming for a change at the position for years now, and whether Skinner deserved to be the scapegoat for all the Oilers’ ills or not is another question entirely. But was Jarry really the best answer out there?

Perhaps Bowman was so impressed with the Edmonton Oil Kings’ Memorial Cup championship in 2014 that he felt inspired to recreate his roster in that image, and jumped at the chance to reunite Jarry in Edmonton with former Oil Kings captain Curtis Lazar?

Well, congratulations. He’s done it. Out of the 31 players on that junior roster, those are the only two currently playing in the NHL. But weren’t there three Christmas spirits in Dickens’, A Christmas Carol? Oh, well. Maybe it will still be enough to have the Ghost of Championship Past revisit Edmonton this season?

Whatever. Just as long as it doesn’t look like Tiny Tim could have done a better job in the Oilers’ crease come the spring.

2. Rewind time on that Trent Frederic extension

The hindsight hasn’t been very long at all. Frederic only re-signed with the Oilers on June 27. But even then, the former Boston Bruins bruiser had done little since the trade deadline to suggest he should be locked down for the next eight years at a $3.85 million cap hit.

That might have been a little presumptuous, to say the least. Fast-forward through the first 34 games of the season and Frederic’s two goals and one assist give him the lowest points-per-game (0.09) out of any current Oilers player who has been on the roster for more than three games.

That’s not great.

But hold on, it gets worse.

With Connor McDavid gifting the Oilers with a cap-friendly two-year extension that kicks in after this season. Basically, all of the $4 million, or so, he graciously left on the table each year to help the Oilers in their quest for a Stanley Cup, will be eaten up by Frederic’s whale of a deal.

And since putting pen to paper, Frederic has been a shell of his former self. While the points haven’t been coming, neither has the tough-guy persona the Oilers thought they were getting from Boston. While he had a spirited battle with Vegas Golden Knights heavyweight Nicolas Hague in last year’s playoffs, Frederic offered up the resistance of a punching bag against the no-nonsense Columbus Blue Jackets enforcer in his only fight this season.

As for physicality, Frederic sits second on the Oilers and tied for 23rd overall with 86 hits. But McDavid is still left to endure all the cheap shots and muggings from opponents who obviously fear no repercussions from anyone on Edmonton’s roster.

If the best player in the world had a capable security guard watching out for him, he could easily stomach coughing up the dough. But Frederic ain’t it. So far, all that deal has done is make the rest of the league laugh, like a bowl full of jelly.

3. Fix whatever is going on with Evan Bouchard

While making Team Canada’s Olympic roster is at the top of Bouchard’s Christmas wish list, the reasons he doesn’t get chosen are the chief concern for the Oilers right now.

Or, at least, they should be.

On one side, you’ve got an elite offensive weapon who consistently comes in third in team scoring behind a couple of superstars who are so untouchable, third place is the new first for the rest of the roster.

He can skate, he can shoot. He’s got an absolute bomb from the blue line that makes him a constant threat. But the threat goes both ways, unfortunately.

At any moment in a game, and at any point on the ice, Bouchard is liable to send a tape-to-tape pass resulting in a breakaway the other way. Even more egregious is when he coughs up the puck to a previously unseen opponent right beside the Oilers’ net, which results in the goalie having to fish the thing out of the back of it.

And all the while, enraging fans with an urgency-free reaction in his movements and lackadaisical expression on his face.

The thing that keeps the Oilers obsessed with him is his penchant for showing up at the biggest moments, like the two timely goals he scored to spark the turnaround against the Los Angeles Kings last spring while the Oilers appeared headed straight to a first-round exit.

That’s why the Oilers also re-upped him in June, paying him $10.5 million for each of the next four seasons. Unlike Frederic, the payoff could still be there with Bouchard. So far, the good outweighs the bad.

But if they could just find a way to get a team of tiny elves to get in there and tinker with the wiring in his defensive game, Team Canada would be kicking down his door.

E-mail: gmoddejonge@postmedia.com

On X: @StarkRavinMod

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